Friday, April 11, 2014

Morning on the Lake

I've lived in this lake house for three years now. I should have never been afforded the chance to live here--it's certainly not in my price range--but a few years ago an extremely generous friend learned I had no place to go and now I've lived in paradise for three years.

It's funny when you discover you've had paradise and know you haven't taken full advantage of it.

This is my first morning on my porch this year, and it's mid-April. I've watched the sun come up and I'm listening to the birds singing. I'm seeing the water ripple and watching the wind change its patterns over the water. Gradually objects have gained definition. The pine tree is no longer just a black shadow, the seagulls are now turning white rather than being mere silhouettes. I can't believe I haven't done this every day it's been above freezing.

God, I love this place.

I haven't felt at home anywhere in a long time. I loved my porch at my last home and yet I was never truly happy to come home. This place, in some ways, seriously challenged my relationship. I hated being away from it, and yet when he asked me to move in with him, I wasn't ready to do it...my sense of "home," comfort, safety, and security...okay, my little lake house was just too important. But the pressure and time that relationship required took my porch mornings. And now I'm wishing I had a lifetime more of them.

Today this perfect-for-me place will be listed for sale. I can't afford to buy it. I wish I could. I honestly don't want to live anywhere but here. In some ways that's a great way to feel...but it certainly has not helped motivate me to get it ready for walk-throughs. This place has a soul. A beautiful, beautiful soul. 

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